Good advice

It is time to defend your job. Here are ten good ideas that will help your boss think correctly about who should stay and who should go.


1. Be seen taking random photographs with your cell phone. Take photos of the cars in the office parking lot and the restaurants where coworkers go to lunch.

2. Leave copies of gun magazines on your desk and start wearing cammo on casual Friday.

3. Make up a story about a lawyer relative who recently passed the Bar who can’t find a job and is looking for something to do. Repeatedly ask the HR people if they can help find anything for him since they’re not busy hiring people.

4. Join a social club that your boss belongs to and begin attending his church.

5. Make psychiatrist appointments where coworkers can hear you.

6. Enroll your kids in the same day-care as your supervisor’s bosses’ kids go to, and tell your children to make friends fast or the Wii gets sold on eBay.

7. Immediately begin to cry uncontrollably whenever someone mentions layoffs or any negative employment news.

8. If you have a coworker with a similar job and jealousy issues, send a tell-all letter to him from his wife’s lover.

9. “Hurt your back”, and go home and read the long-term disability policy.

10. Tell your wife to put the moves on your boss. See #1 if successful. One picture is worth a thousand paychecks.

Hateism

The rabidly wrong radical right wing of the Republican Party has collectively dropped its basket. Its voter mandated exile from the decision-making portions of the legislative and executive branches of the federal government has the worst elements of what once was the party of Lincoln discombobulating in a public paroxysm of powerlessness and self-loathing.

Public speaking opportunities are few and far between for minority party officials. Press conferences are ill-attended and irrelevant. Cynical party efforts to obscure the historic Republican preference for politicians with European pigmentation have thrust forward ill-prepared and not quite ready for prime-time figures like Michael Steele and Bobby Jindal - as if changing the publicly televised face of the party, changes anything.

Meanwhile the actual Republican message of the day is being shouted out by actors portraying comedians portraying news people. Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity now carry the lightly pigmented water – albeit from a hate poisoned well – to the thirsty few. They dispense their daily dread dollops of “ISMs” like socialism, communism, protectionism and liberalism all over their reportage hoping to incite the rank-and-file Republicans into following their mad charge up the hill, and, like lemmings, continuing over the hill and off the cliff into the political void.

So, in a word, the Republicans new national strategy is nihilism. They’ve committed their base to entertainers who spend their time screeching out Hooverisms and who have roundly rejected the only “ISM” that can help us now. That rejected “ISM” is Patriotism.